On the sixth day, God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said, “Today I am going to create an area of land called The Midwest.
It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall hills and rolling plains full of game and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and streams full of trout, forests full of deer and turkeys, valleys with fertile soil with an abundance nutrients to grow things, and rivers teeming with fish.”
Yay!! Friday is here, and seems to be in a good mood.
Unless you are up north, still blanketed by Winter, the soulless bitch.
So perk up, ya wankers, and look forward to the weekend!! And if people are bringing you down, make sure to share this with them.
HAVE A GREAT FRIDAY!!!
UPDATE FOR THE WEEKEND!!!
As I was planning this epoch, it occured to me that I don’t know what the word ‘epoch’ means. So, I finished my apple and continued to jot down notes. Here they are in no particular order or pentameter.
“This is the best acid ever. I totally should write some children’s books now.” ~ Dr. Seuss
News to me: When they wash your hair after a haircut, it’s considered rude to say “your breasts smell like a ham sandwich”.
I wonder if Taylor Swift ever gets one of her songs stuck in her head and also wants to kill herself?
Want to make your teeth whiter? Buy them a Subaru.
Its funny how guys always say they would give their left nut to do something awesome. Why is the right nut so much cooler than the left nut?
My plan to buy a drawing board just fell through. I guess it’s back to th-OH SON OF A…
Nothing kills a good party buzz like the paramedics showing up and acting like drama queens.
:: You are now entering the random pics portion of your journey through this post ::
Although I would LOVE for it to be that kind of Ash Wednesday
But I’ll be nice and not post any fat chicks. Or fat dudes. Or fat.
Cats are evul.
And dogs are saints.
Have a great Tuesday!!
Because some people
bitched and moaned raised concerns.
Here are some thought shenanigans:
Generally speaking, a woman’s hotness is directly proportional to the number of times your wife calls her a whore.
Here it is 2014 and we’re not driving dragons? The future sickens me.
Blind snipers have no idea what they’re missing.
“Guys, I don’t think we should drink so much yesterday” – me on Sunday
I want transition lenses that turn black whenever someone starts talking to me.
Obese people are roll models.
If you see someone crying, ask if it’s because of their haircut.
It should be legal to shoot people who speed up only to keep you from passing.
Let’s hope the zombie apocalypse doesn’t start in Kenya because there is no way any of us can outrun those fuckers.
The FEMA camps are ready for you now, please proceed to the nearest provided vehicular transport to show you to your new home.
And by roll call, of course I mean, check out this rack!
and this one
and this one
Please say hi in the comments and rate this post with a surly comment or two.
And thus shall it forever be known.
Presented in no particular order as they were randomly selected from a long line of applicants.
Today is President’s Day, what are some of your fondest President’s Day memories?
For our foreign visitors, and those of us that went to public schools, here is the meaning behind the day:
Though we are currently represented by the most tyrannical president ever concieved by this republic, we do have a very storied history of Presidents. And that glory will one day return to that hallowed office… one day.