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Weekly random – TGIF

5 Jun

Let’s see what’s in the funneh folder for today.
This is the kind of dayweek I had.
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And this.
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Continue reading

Drink of the Week

4 Nov

It’s Election Day and I doubt any of you wish to bother mixing drinks this evening. So I will make it easy on y’all.

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I have featured this at the still-offline H&B, but honestly I can’t think of anything more appropriate for today. So while you are splurging on good vodka, don’t forget the popcorn.

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And as always, finish up with some puddin’ for dessert.

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Don’t forget to follow Ace of Spades HQ and enjoy the shadenfreude today 🙂

The Devil Wears Brooks Brothers

22 Sep

Sweet Jehosephat on a pogo stick.

Republican lawmakers are raising alarm that Secretary of State John Kerry is putting too much on the table in talks over Iran’s nuclear program — as Tehran reportedly tries to leverage its cooperation in the Islamic State crisis in return for nuclear concessions from the U.S. and its allies.

That is a serious WTF moment right there. Of course, the White House is denying any such thing happening, because of course they would never, ever do that. And of course, our Sec State is negotiating with the same fuckers that took our people hostage 35 years ago, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit and John Phillips tie, because hey, Kumbaya and all that jazz. Never mind that the Ayatollah declared on Twitter™ — yes, that fucktard tweets, and way better than our own fucktardic State Department — that he in his abject supremacy will reject any and all appeals with regards to ISIS. Jean Luc Kerrie is going to give it the ol’ college try.

Newsflash, oh Frenchified spawn of Lurch: the enemy of your enemy is still your fucking enemy. You are living proof that the Left learns nothing from History. Iran wants the Great Satan gone at any and all costs, and that is a truth that will never change. It’s either them or us, and you and your leftist kindred are choosing them in the hopes that they will kill you last. They are just salivating at the thought of having the US beg them for help, and once they have your shrivelled balls in a vice, they will have won enough ground to begin making their caliphate come true. You will beg, and plead, and succor all you can to establish your legacy at the cost of millions. But that’s the price you and this administration are willing to pay. It’s not their hide, right?

Gawd, the Sec State position has become a total laughing stock in the world. Considering their main competition is the esteemed Prez of this once-great country, that is hard to beat. But you, Monsewer Kerrie, are doing a damn fine job. It’s about the only talent you have, and we will all suffer for it.

Mondayums!

31 Mar

I got stuck in a work warp for the last couple of weeks. Not that I am caught up now, but just wanted to drop this here to let our millions of viewers know that we are still alive and kicking here.

Please rate this post and drop a few duckets in the hosts coffee can by the door on your way out, thanks!

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To random or not to random…

20 Mar

I say, random.

If a tree falls down and only a woman hears it, what the hell was a tree doing in my kitchen?

I never know what to do with my hands when I’m at a urinal besides flick the earlobes of the guy next to me.

I’m selling shirts for armless people called Ampu-T’s.

The penis mightier than the sword. ha ha, penis.

“Polar bears can’t jump” — black bears

Ba ba black dude, have u any weed? – Racist nursery rhyme

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does this post seem bloated…?

~ Updated with an awesome factor of eleventythirtytwo ~

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More Random?

14 Mar

Sure, why not!

First, let’s get ready for spring…

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Here, how about some motivation.

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Don’t go too hard though, excessive rest can be… humorous.

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fitness builds confidence!

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Use that confidence!

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but, don’t be too cocky.

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I said..! ah, nevermind… sheesh

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that goes for you too ladies.

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now get out there and show your swag.

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I’ve got your back!

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:: CRITICALLY IMPORTANT YET AWESOME UPDATE ::

Today is!!!

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Fourthsday Randomdom

13 Mar

In the interest of brevity, I’ll keep this short.

If they grew up in the same house and shared a pet, siblings have the same porn name and I think that’s just SICK.

I’m opening up a Battered Shrimp Shelter in my stomach.

It’s been pretty rough going, but I think I finally beat my crippling addiction to sobriety.

That awkward moment when you step on a lego and all the kids scatter because they know SOMEONE must die.

Does anyone know how to take care of a Fern? Asking for a frond.

I ate one of those artisan pizzas and now I can’t stop painting my bathroom.

Hey Feminazis, I sprained my wrist playing softball this weekend, so you can shut up about the “pain of childbirth.”

I wish there was a job that required me to pet a room full of basset hounds all day long.

LOOK!!! PICTURES..!

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C.th (31)You are now free to roam about the cabin.

Wet T-Shirt Wednesday (NSFW)

12 Mar

As if we needed the disclaimer, but for our lurkers who check in on us as if they were rubbernecking a car wreck, I wanted to offer them the opportunity to click away should the fry cook manager be looking over their shoulder.

Without further ado, I give you – wet boobs under cotton!

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This post is dedicated to our hearty citizens upon whom winter decided it isn’t quite done with yet.  May it be the warm sunshine on your frozen sack this cold March day.

Fourthsday – The re-coming

6 Mar

As I was planning this epoch, it occured to me that I don’t know what the word ‘epoch’ means.  So, I finished my apple and continued to jot down notes. Here they are in no particular order or pentameter.

“This is the best acid ever. I totally should write some children’s books now.” ~ Dr. Seuss

News to me:  When they wash your hair after a haircut, it’s considered rude to say “your breasts smell like a ham sandwich”.

I wonder if Taylor Swift ever gets one of her songs stuck in her head and also wants to kill herself?

Want to make your teeth whiter? Buy them a Subaru.

Its funny how guys always say they would give their left nut to do something awesome. Why is the right nut so much cooler than the left nut?

My plan to buy a drawing board just fell through. I guess it’s back to th-OH SON OF A…

Nothing kills a good party buzz like the paramedics showing up and acting like drama queens.

:: You are now entering the random pics portion of your journey through this post ::

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Fourthsday!

27 Feb

Here are some thought shenanigans:

Generally speaking, a woman’s hotness is directly proportional to the number of times your wife calls her a whore.

Here it is 2014 and we’re not driving dragons? The future sickens me.

Blind snipers have no idea what they’re missing.

“Guys, I don’t think we should drink so much yesterday” – me on Sunday

I want transition lenses that turn black whenever someone starts talking to me.

Obese people are roll models.

If you see someone crying, ask if it’s because of their haircut.

It should be legal to shoot people who speed up only to keep you from passing.

Let’s hope the zombie apocalypse doesn’t start in Kenya because there is no way any of us can outrun those fuckers.

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The FEMA camps are ready for you now, please proceed to the nearest provided vehicular transport to show you to your new home.