PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them)

1 Oct

PARAPROSDOKIANS, are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

(See What I Did There?)

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left…

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

18 Responses to “PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them)”

  1. Jay in Ames October 1, 2012 at 8:38 am #

    If I said I was in a busy place, I wouldn’t be here.

  2. Jay in Ames October 1, 2012 at 9:01 am #

    Obama says Romney is a good debater, and will probably have the zingers at the debate. One of the commenters summed it up quite nicely:

    So; Romney is a better debater, a better businessman, a better politician (if that actually exists) and a better student (based on available records of which there are none for Obama).
    I am so looking forward to next month and the Oblama/Byedin epic fail.

  3. The Queen October 1, 2012 at 9:32 am #

    Numbers 15, 19 and 25 are all much more true than people believe! Have a great day- by Royal Decree!

  4. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX October 1, 2012 at 12:17 pm #

    The TiFWs have returned from the wilds of Southwest Texas. We had to scrap my plans to visit with Aggie (FIL’s Dr. must have decided that he would rather go golfing on Friday than see patients), so I was most upset.

    However, we did discover a most delightful Bed and Breakfast on our travels – if you ever find yourself in the boonies, do yourself a favor and check out the J.M. Koch Hotel in D’Hanis, Texas.

    The guy who originally ran it was the brother of Mr. TiFW’s great-great-grandfather – we have passed by that place I don’t know how many times in the 30+ years that we have been travelling to visit Mr. TiFW’s family, and I always wanted to see what it was like.

    Other than the trains that run right by it (and not many of them run after midnight), it is a WONDERFUL place to stay – and about 1/2 the price of a regular hotel room.

    We were in the area for a family reunion (the next town over), so some family members came by and took a tour. They liked it so much that we have already reserved the entire place (5 bedrooms) for lodging for next year’s reunion!

  5. Jay in Ames October 1, 2012 at 1:27 pm #

    I stayed at a pizza place this weekend. It seemed like I slept there, because I went home at 2am the first day, came back at 10 am. I left at 12:30 am to go have a beer, because someone decided to walk off the job. Someone that I had previously said nice things about to management.

    I have since rescinded these statements. With prejudice.

  6. Jay in Ames October 1, 2012 at 1:28 pm #

    And I had the ovens for the entire shift. Which sucked.

  7. LC Aggie Sith October 1, 2012 at 2:00 pm #

    Gah, J’Ames.

    Love the poat, though. You outdid yourself πŸ˜€

    • Jay in Ames October 1, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

      It’s very taxing, to translate emails into poats.


      *wipes brow

  8. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX October 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

    Sounds like you earned that beer, J’Ames…..

  9. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX October 1, 2012 at 2:50 pm #

    It’s very taxing, to translate emails into poats.

    You mean there’s not an App for that?

    *runs far, far away so as not to be hit by pizza pan Frisbee*

  10. Jay in Ames October 1, 2012 at 2:54 pm #

    You should feel how heavy this 20″ pan is. And it flies, just fine.

  11. LC Aggie Sith October 1, 2012 at 5:10 pm #


    Drink the beer, J’Ames πŸ˜€

  12. LC Aggie Sith October 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm #


  13. Jay in Ames October 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm #

    No one here but us chickens.

  14. clintbird October 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm #

    I’m about to have lunch then head out to see Looper.

  15. clintbird October 2, 2012 at 6:38 pm #

    Looper was excellent and ultimately quite cerebral.

    • Jay in Ames October 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm #

      I want to see that. First because Bruce Willis and shooting, second because Joseph Gordon Levitt impresses me as an actor.

  16. GMLand October 3, 2012 at 9:55 am #

    I don’t know what this means!

    This – what is it?

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