DNC Schedule Uncovered!

9 Aug

4:00 PM Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
4:05 PM Singing of “God Damn America” led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:10 PM Pledge of Allegiance to Obama
4:15 PM Ceremonial ‘I hate America’ led by Michelle Obama
4:30 PM Tips on Dodging Sniper Fire Hillary Clinton
4:45 PM Obama Receives Oscar for BEST ACTOR from George Clooney, Whoopi Goldberg & Oprah
5:00 PM UFO Abduction Survival Joe Biden
5:30 PM Eliot Spitzer Speaks on “Family Values” via Satellite
5:45 PM Tribute to All 57 States
6:00 PM Joe Biden Delivers 100,000-Word Speech Featuring 23-Minute Question and 2-Hour Answer
8:30 PM Airing of Grievances by the Clintons
9:00 PM Bill Clinton Delivers Rousing Endorsement of Obama
9:15 PM Tribute Film to Freedom Fighters at Gitmo Michael Moore
9:45 PM Integrity and Personal Finance Seminar – Charlie Rangle
10:00 PM Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners
10:30 PM Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for IRAQ & Afghanistan
11:00 PM Obama Energy Plan Symposium/Tire Gauge Demonstration
11:15 PM Crucifixion of Sheriff Joseph M. “Joe” Arpaio
11:30 PM Obama Accepts Tony and Latin Grammy Awards
11:45 PM Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fish Obama Presiding
12:00 AM Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Mahr
12:01 AM Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior
12:05 AM Public Display of Forged Hawaii Birth Certificate
3:00 AM Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech

We now return you to your regularly scheduled boring poats.

16 Responses to “DNC Schedule Uncovered!”

  1. Jay in Ames August 9, 2012 at 9:35 am #

    Oh yeah, it’s happening. You know it.

  2. Sean M. August 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

    You can tell this is fake because there’s not nearly enough pandering toward the approved victim groups voter blocs.

  3. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX August 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm #

    Sounds about right….

  4. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX August 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm #

    It started out as a post entitled “Two Guys Named Joe”, but it ended up being a post about a song called “Your Feet’s Too Big”. Funny how that happens…..


    (Thanks for letting me plug my blog! 😛 )

  5. Jay in Ames August 9, 2012 at 4:02 pm #

    Yay, someone else reads the blog!

  6. Sean M. August 9, 2012 at 4:05 pm #

    I read it too, but my last comment didn’t show up.

  7. Jay in Ames August 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

    Well, we know the spam bucket works over here too. Hmm, no links, so why are they in there?

  8. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX August 9, 2012 at 7:15 pm #

    I’m about ready to hide under the covers until the election – I can’t take much more of listening to Crazy Barry’s ideas for transforming the country.

  9. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX August 9, 2012 at 7:56 pm #

    New video of Obama’s days at Columbia surfaces:

  10. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX August 9, 2012 at 8:34 pm #

    Whoa – don’t let ANYBODY tell you that the Tea Party is dead. Look at these numbers of incumbents defeated in primaries at the state level:


    Texas tossed out 25% of her incumbents – every last one of them a Republican – in favor of CONSERVATIVES……

  11. Jay in Ames August 10, 2012 at 4:52 pm #

    President Baseball Bat is upping the ante:

    Jay —

    When Michael Jordan wrote a check to my campaign for U.S. Senate in 2004, I wasn’t sure whether I should cash it or frame it.

    Now Michael Jordan is taking his support to the next level. If you chip in $3 or whatever you can today, you’ll be automatically entered for a chance to meet both of us at an event later this month in New York City.

    You’re invited to bring a guest — so if basketball isn’t your game, I encourage you to bring someone in your life who might enjoy meeting Michael and me over dinner, and maybe even shooting some hoops with some of the other basketball stars, past and present.

    Now, I don’t know if I’ll want to sprint up and down the court that night, but I’m always up to launch a few jump shots. If you join me, don’t be surprised if I challenge you or your guest to play.

    Tonight is the deadline to throw your name in — and, today only, every entry counts for two. Make a donation, and you’ll be automatically entered:

  12. clintbird August 10, 2012 at 5:19 pm #

    Dear Obama, if you’ll just STFU for one whole day, I’ll send you $3!

  13. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX August 11, 2012 at 12:56 pm #

    My reaction to Paul Ryan being named the GOP’s VP:


  14. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX August 11, 2012 at 4:35 pm #

    DD#3 called from the grocery store to tell me that somebody was giving away free kittens. I told her to call Mr. TiFW and ask him if she could bring them home.

    So…..now we have 2 new kittens at the house. One of them seems happy, the other one has wedged herself between the desk and the wall.

    DD#3 wants to call them “Salt” and “Pepper”; I wonder if I could convince her to call them “Ryan” and “Romney”…..

  15. Og August 27, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

    Is it just me or does that logo look like the Goatse guy?

  16. LC Aggie Sith August 28, 2012 at 11:26 am #

    Best comment ever, Og 😆

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: