Because I’m a man…

14 Jun

Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I WILL win.
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Because I’m a man , when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, ‘I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.’ We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like ‘cumin’ or ‘tofu.’ For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it…..though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator….. ( applies to engineers mainly).
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Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t ask.
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Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t …and if you are feeling amorous afterwards….then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2012, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest…… Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.

A graphic to explain it all:

Ok, maybe not, but it was pretty funny anyway.

11 Responses to “Because I’m a man…”

  1. clintbird June 14, 2012 at 10:24 am #

    Felspar! And HA!

  2. LC Aggie Sith June 14, 2012 at 10:51 am #

    Feldspar? This is more along the lines of Corundum.

    Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, US ARMY!!!

  3. GMLand June 14, 2012 at 11:02 am #

    I have 3 spider bites on my left arm that prohibits me from commenting at this time.

  4. clintbird June 14, 2012 at 11:20 am #

    GML, amputate, suck it up, and get back in the game.

  5. LC Aggie Sith June 14, 2012 at 11:33 am #

    Oh, and I got a troll at H&B Army post. What a dickwad…

    *gives GML antiserum and Band-Aids™*

  6. Jay in Ames June 14, 2012 at 11:45 am #

    Spider bites? That’s what you’re going with?

  7. LC Aggie Sith June 14, 2012 at 11:46 am #

    It’s all he has, J’Ames. Let him wallow in it. 😀

  8. Jay in Ames June 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    Don walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

    The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

    The blonde looked at Don and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?” Don said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”

    The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.” Don placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

    Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Don. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

    Don replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump.”

    The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

    Don took the money.

  9. LC Aggie Sith June 14, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

    “I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

    BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Jay in Ames June 14, 2012 at 2:50 pm #

    George Orwell just pointed this out at the H2. Wish I could see this!

    http://weaselzippers.us/2012/06/14/romney-campaign-bus-drives-circles-around-obama-speech-site-honking-its-horn/

  11. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX June 14, 2012 at 5:17 pm #

    It’s Flag Day – I’m celebrating it with words and music:

    http://teresainfortworth.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/happy-flag-day/

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