Why do we love children?

28 Mar


1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’


2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’


3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’


4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’


5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’


6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’


7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’


8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’
‘And why not, darling?’
‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’


9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)


10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’


11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam ‘s underwear!’

34 Responses to “Why do we love children?”

  1. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 8:19 am #

    CUTEST POAT EVAH!!!!

    And good morning!!

  2. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 9:16 am #

    Good morning! Looks like it’s gonna be one of those days.

  3. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 9:26 am #

    I’m not sure, but I think I can make a work voodoo doll for you, J’Ames…

  4. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 9:28 am #

    voodoo dolls don’t work on computer components, do they?

  5. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 9:39 am #

    They do if I use computer components as filler 😀

  6. GMLand March 28, 2012 at 9:49 am #

    Very well done J’Ames. In my estimation there are about 27,985,993 poats on blogs throughout the web. I would rank this one in the top 5,000,000.

    Congratulations!

  7. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 9:50 am #

    Yay me! suck it, bottom 80% of the internets!

  8. Lizard March 28, 2012 at 9:52 am #

    Great Wednesday poat!!!!!

  9. Lizard March 28, 2012 at 11:37 am #

    Spike Lee once again shows he’s an ass, well and all those that follow his twitter did too.

    http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/03/28/elderly-couple-forced-out-home-after-tweet-claims-killer-trayvon-miller-lives/#ixzz1qONII6KM?test=latestnews

    When did it become acceptable to harass people at their private residences?

  10. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 11:39 am #

    I hope he and the fucktard who started it get sued by the couple, Liz.

  11. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 11:51 am #

    Someone should tweet Spike’s address. But conservatives wouldn’t do anything, we’re too busy working.

  12. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 12:05 pm #

    J’Ames, check your FB page…. STAT!!!

  13. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 12:12 pm #

    Good one, aggie!

    Shelton? really?

  14. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 12:24 pm #

    Also, found a blog for football fans:

    http://historiansfootball.wordpress.com/

  15. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    Yeah…Shelton.

    Not very Treyvon or Joniqu’e of him, is it?

  16. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere March 28, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    This Poat gets an “LOL”.

    You may now proceed about your business.

  17. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 12:27 pm #

    Hey, who’s the new guy?

  18. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 12:33 pm #

    Hell if I know, J’Ames.

    WHO THE FUCK IS THAT MASKED MAN????

  19. GMLand March 28, 2012 at 2:00 pm #

    Update – for immediate release:

  20. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 2:01 pm #

    That thieving bastard, GET HIM!

  21. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 2:23 pm #

    I see the movie Clueless was a documentary.

    Word….

  22. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX March 28, 2012 at 2:29 pm #

    MOST excellent poat, J’Ames!!!!!

    Since you didn’t have time to read my comment from last night, I added pictures – perhaps you can have your wife read it to you when you get home:

    http://teresainfortworth.wordpress.com/2012/03/28/men/

  23. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 2:35 pm #

    Oh I read it. Just didn’t have the timeinclination to post a reply.

  24. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 2:42 pm #

    The comment that is. That post was way too long.

    So I waited until today.

  25. Lizard March 28, 2012 at 5:07 pm #

    So Hanoi Jane to play Nancy Reagan…..ya that just stinks.

  26. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 5:34 pm #

    She’s a natural. For the (made up) seance scene.

  27. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm #

    For the (made up) seance scene.

    They shoulda picked Shirley McClaine, then.

  28. terribletroy March 28, 2012 at 7:42 pm #

    Despite rumors to the contrary I am still alive…update to the saga known as the “kidney stones from hell”. And please note that it is stones plural, and the 7mm one is the least of my worries. So, I finally get through the process and see a urologist, I tell the urologist about how much fun it is to walk around for three weeks feeling like someone is alternately stabbing you in the back and kicking you in the nuts. The urologist commiserates with me when I tell him that my right side (the one with the known large stone) was still acting up, but nothing like my left side has been doing for the past 2.5 weeks and orders a xray of both kidneys…. He returns and reports that I “have a bunch” of stones both left and right but its the size 16! (I repeat, a fucking 16mm stone) stone in my left that concerns him most. I wont hinder you with further comment except to say that on Friday morning (god willin’ and the creek dont rise) I will be visiting a surgical suite for a “exploration” hopefully followed immediately with removal / blasting of said offending stones….

    This has been one helluva a ride…..

  29. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX March 28, 2012 at 8:01 pm #

    Yikes, Troy! Yeah, you aren’t going to be able to pass a 16 mm stone “naturally” – hope they are able to clean you out with minimal discomfort.

    I’m guessing after that you will be given a prescription to lower your calcium output? (My nephews and ex-BIL have that problem – it’s either kidney stones or bone spurs for them)

    I know that everyone here will hate me for it, but might I suggest you look into getting tested for Celiac Disease and/or do a month’s trial of a gluten-free diet? If you want more info, PM me and I can give you some links that address that issue. (Mr. TiFW hasn’t had a kidney stone since going GF – it’s been almost 4 years now)

  30. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX March 28, 2012 at 8:04 pm #

    The comment that is. That post was way too long.
    So I waited until today.

    I was just jerkin’ your chain / messin’ with ya, J’Ames…..

    (I can only talk to the walls around the house for so long, but they don’t laugh at my jokes)

  31. Jay in Ames March 28, 2012 at 8:21 pm #

    I know, TiFW. Just leading you down the primrose path. Soon, we will have an F bomb, when you get good and duly POd.

  32. LC Aggie Sith March 28, 2012 at 8:39 pm #

    I shall add you to my prayers, Troy. Well, I really mean I will amend my prayers for you to suit the current needs 😀

    And it’s worth giving Teresa a listening to!

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