Laws we all live by.

16 Jan

  1. Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
  2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
  4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
  5. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
  6. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
  7. Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
  8. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
  9. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  10. Law of the Theater & Stadium – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
  11. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
  12. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
  13. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
  14. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
  15. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
  16. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  17. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
  18. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better.. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

Update: Added as another Law:

Another Update:

39 Responses to “Laws we all live by.”

  1. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 9:25 am #

    I amaze myself, with my poating abilities.

  2. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX January 16, 2012 at 9:58 am #

    All true…..

  3. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 9:59 am #

    By the way, the cat in the update looks exactly like a cat we were privileged to take care of (according to the cat). She has passed on ( a while ago). The picture reminded me of her fondness of water. She would sit on the edge of the bathtub while my wife took a bath. Her sister (who is still with us) would come by and push her in.

    I could have taken that exact picture, many times.

  4. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 10:11 am #

    This is the best law poat evah!!

    GOOD MORNING!!!

    Sorry I was MIA. I hadn’t heard from Hubby in 36 hours and was up all night waiting, since he wasn’t answering the phone or text messages. Things are fine. Internet was sporadic.

    I have fifteen new grey hairs, though.

  5. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 10:14 am #

    Her sister (who is still with us) would come by and push her in.

    Sisters can be bitches.

  6. Dick (@DicksTrash) January 16, 2012 at 10:30 am #

    BiW will be by later on to see if the laws hold up in court.

  7. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 10:38 am #

    Good morning, Dick!

    How was your weekend?

  8. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX January 16, 2012 at 10:39 am #

    I am honestly amazed that your wife allowed the “sister” to live, given that she was so often the recipient of what I am sure were more than a few scratches…..

  9. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 10:46 am #

    Heh, my wife is much more tolerant of said behavior than I am. There will be no bad mouthing the kitteh.

    But actually the cat would just sit in the bathtub and look pathetic for a while. There wasn’t a “freak out” when hitting the water, so there wasn’t really a danger period. It was actually really funny, wish I had a youtube of the situation. For some reason I wasn’t allowed to film it.

  10. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 10:56 am #

    Can’t imagine why, J’Ames…. 😉

  11. clintbird January 16, 2012 at 11:02 am #

    I’m a proud aisle person!!!

    Find another fucking row, turd butt.

  12. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 11:06 am #

    LMAO, CB!!!

  13. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 11:07 am #

    It never ceases to amaze me how much the spouse of the deployed actually has to go through. People always think of the soldier, not of the family. I know everyone here thinks of the family, but mainstream Americans do not. The only culture item I remember seeing on it is Mel Gibson’s wife’s role in the movie We Were Soldiers (Madelyn Stowe). It made me think of what my mom went through when dad was deployed in Vietnam (2 tours). And they aren’t paid for this.

    Doing God’s work, aggie.

  14. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 11:08 am #

    I’m a proud aisle person!!!

    Find another fucking row, turd butt.

    Dad?

  15. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere January 16, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    Am I the only one who found it odd that the boss called me at 7 this morning to say “There is nothing at work worth risking your car. Come in if the roads are ok near you. The main routes are all clear but the side streets are all crummy. Use your discretion, and come in when you feel like you can make it safely or not at all.”

    I mean, that’s what I was going to do anyway, but the only reason I can come up with for this call is that the courts and most law offices are closed today AND he scared the @#%^$@! out of himself driving back from eastern Washington last night.

  16. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 11:18 am #

    I think you’re on to something BiW. The only time bosses ever call, is when they have actually been out, and seen how bad things are.

    Otherwise, they’ll sit in the office, and think, “hey, I made it in, so can everyone else.”

  17. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 11:25 am #

    Thanks, J’Ames, but all I do is for the kids and Hubby. Luckily, I am not in charge of anything.

    BisW, no…you aren’t the only one.

  18. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere January 16, 2012 at 11:33 am #

    Otherwise, they’ll sit in the office, and think, “hey, I made it in, so can everyone else.”

    Yeah, since he lives a whole lot closer than I do, and he drives a Suburban with studded tires and four wheel drive.

    He said he’s gonna go in around 10, which means he’ll go in around 11.

    Snow is supposed to start up in the afternoon and get heavier for the evening commute.

    I am not excited.

  19. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 11:34 am #

    Do you have to go in, BisW?

  20. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 11:37 am #

    I’m glad my boss trusts me enough that I don’t have to jump through hoops. If it’s bad, I stay home, and work there.

    It’s amazing the latitude you get when you don’t abuse someone’s trust.

  21. Dick (@DicksTrash) January 16, 2012 at 11:41 am #

    This morning the Muslim Brotherhood warned the United States that if the United States continued meddling in Egypt , Libya , and other potential hotspots in the Middle East, they intend to cut off America’s supply of 7-11 and Motel 6 managers.

    If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell, AT&T and AOL customer service reps.

    Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened not to send us any more Presidents either.

    It’s gonna get ugly, people.

  22. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 11:43 am #

    Hehe, Nice one!

  23. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere January 16, 2012 at 11:44 am #

    Aggie there is nothing on my desk that I HAVE to do today.

    But we do get paid today.

    If I stay home, I’ll probably work on drafting some new notice forms that we’ll need for trusts thanks to some changes in the law that went into effect January 1.

  24. Dick (@DicksTrash) January 16, 2012 at 11:45 am #

    My brother sent that to me in email. One of the few I haven’t seen, so I thgought I’d torture y’all with it.

  25. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 11:55 am #

    That’s awesome, Dick!

    HAHAHAHA!!!

  26. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm #

    Update added, cuz of Dick’s joke:

  27. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 12:47 pm #

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

  28. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX January 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm #

    Just another day in the Stone Age caliphates – nothing to see here; move along:

    A Saudi father insisted that his Asian housemaid killed his little daughter and tried to eliminate the entire family through magic, saying questioning of jinn gripping another daughter confirmed his accusations.

    The father told police that his eight-year-old daughter died suddenly while her mother and elder sister had been admitted to hospital in serious condition.

    In an earlier report, Okaz daily said Saudi Arabia’s feared religious police arrested the maid after her employer accused her of causing the death of their child and seeking to destroy the family through witchcraft.

    The father told the members of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice that they found paper and nails in the hair of some family members and were told by mosque preachers they were magic spells.

    http://is.gd/9Of3TT

  29. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 3:26 pm #

    Speaking of Dr. King, Scott Johnson has a good article at Powerline:

    Powerline: The prophetic voice

  30. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere January 16, 2012 at 3:30 pm #

    Just another day in the Stone Age caliphates – nothing to see here; move along:

    Yeah. Here they just make you respond to stupid charges about it.

    See O’Donnell, Christine.

  31. Jay in Ames January 16, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

    Just when you thought the only game you could play was identifying John Ratzenberger’s voice in Pixar films:

    Pizza Planet Truck In Pixar Films

  32. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere January 16, 2012 at 4:44 pm #

    It seems to me that on MLK day, the real story is how far we have come as a nation, and that it shouldn’t be decided by the fact that we have an African American President, AG, Presidential Advisors, Supreme Court Justice, and EPA head, but the fact that so many of them are corrupt, incompetent, mendacious, or otherwise unacceptable.

    I mean despite the Democrats’ apparent belief that “content of …character” actually means “racial identity of office holder”, it still is a remarkable feat to have convinced so many Americans that this is the case, allowing these people to become a bloodsucking embarrassment to the Republic, and deflect any and all deserved and reasonable criticism of their considerable shortcomings as “racist”, and completely underserving of a fair hearing.

    It really is quite remarkable when you think about it, and even while doing a double facepalm about it in the Great Beyond, Dr. King might have to admit that while it isn’t the “progress” he was seeking, it is progress nonetheless.

  33. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 5:07 pm #

    That’s a hellacious way to look at it, BisW.

    It’s also dead on.

  34. Dick (@DicksTrash) January 16, 2012 at 5:10 pm #

    Aggie, my apologies. I didn’t mean to ignore you this morning. Brain was in neutral.

  35. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX January 16, 2012 at 7:02 pm #

    I Haz Pikchures, too!
    Now Added to the Breakfast Repertoire: Amish Baked Oatmeal – http://wp.me/p1ipEz-1dY

  36. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

    Brain was in neutral.

    Don’t sweat it, honey! After the bitch of a week you had, I don’t blame you 😀

  37. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX January 16, 2012 at 8:43 pm #

    Speaking of racist:
    http://is.gd/SZuVhn

    I fully expect Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, et.al., to denounce Planned Parenthood for their plans to escalate the killing of black babie…..

    Oh, who am I kidding?

  38. LC Aggie Sith January 16, 2012 at 8:55 pm #

    You know, it boggles the mind how black people support PP. It’s like Jews advocating for the Final Solution.

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