The Rules

29 Mar

One of the reasons I enjoy NCIS so damn much is because Gibbs has his shit together, and can just make some perps confess with a look.  Seriously, he’s like that one guy that you can never pull anything over on (unless of course, you are a redhead, in which case you will almost certainly come out on the better side of the transaction), and he has Rules.

Rule #1: Never let suspects stay together.[7]

Rule #1: Never screw over your partner.[8]

Rule #2: Always wear gloves at a crime scene.[7]

Rule #3: Don’t believe what you’re told. Double check.[7]

Rule #3: Never be unreachable. (*Most likely one of Mike Franks’ “Golden Rules” (see below) as opposed to Gibbs, because Gibbs has been known to intentionally be unreachable.*) [9]

Rule #4: The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person – if you must. There is no third best.[8]

Rule #6: Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness.[10]

Rule #7: Always be specific when you lie.[11]

Rule #8: Never take anything for granted.[12]

Rule #9: Never go anywhere without a knife.[13]

 Sometimes listed as “Never leave home without a knife.”[3]

Rule #10: Never get personally involved in a case.[14]

Rule #11: When the job is done, walk away.[15]

Rule #12: Never date a coworker.[16]

Rule #13: Never, ever involve a lawyer.[6][2]

Rule #15: Always work as a team.[17]

Rule #18: It’s better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.[5]

Rule #22: Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation.[18]

Rule #23: Never mess with a Marine’s coffee… if you want to live.[4]

Rule #27: There are two ways to follow someone. — First way they never notice you. — Second way they only notice you.[19][2]

Rule #38: Your case, your lead.[20]

Rule #39: There is no such thing as coincidence.[14]

Rule #40: If it seems someone is out to get you, they are.[21]

Rule #44: First things first, hide the women and children.[22]

Rule #45: Clean up the mess that you make.[2]

Rule #51: Sometimes – You’re wrong.[2]

To which you can add these following “unwritten rules”:

The “Unspoken Rule” (Franks): You do what you have to do for family. (Season 8 Episode 1)
Don’t work the system when you can work the people.[24]
Don’t stop checking and rechecking evidence until you are satisfied.
Besides Rule 13, Gibbs has 6 other rules involving lawyers, but, according to DiNozzo, “You only need to know number 13; it’s the umbrella one.”

Don’t say I never did nothing for ya.

79 Responses to “The Rules”

  1. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere March 29, 2011 at 1:44 am #

    The first one of you ladies to lick my ear like that will get a smack on the rump.

  2. Car in March 29, 2011 at 6:13 am #

    I’ve never watched NCIS. In fact, you can prolly fill in just about any tv show into that equation.

    Not that I don’t watch tv. There’s just a lot of stuff I haven’t seen.

    I mostly watch news. Last night, I watched (well, hubby watched I sat and cuddled with the kids) the 6 o’clock news (recorded) then went to bed.

  3. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 8:05 am #

    I bumped my little post for the afternoon, BisW.

    WAKEY, WAKEY!!!!

  4. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 8:13 am #

    I have to say, #9 is my favorite.

    There is much truth in that.

  5. Dick March 29, 2011 at 8:27 am #

    I don’t watch the show, therefore I’m exempt from any rules.

  6. GMLand March 29, 2011 at 8:29 am #

    Rule #46 (subset D – Paragraph III) – Boobs

  7. roamingfirehydrant March 29, 2011 at 8:45 am #

    Heh, flashbacks of my last sexual harassment mandatory training.

  8. Jay in Ames March 29, 2011 at 8:46 am #

    Heh, when I read the first sentence, I thought it was going to be about our former press secretary, and I thought “Win the Future?”

    Glad I was wrong. Mainly because I don’t watch that show.

  9. GMLand March 29, 2011 at 8:48 am #

    I called myself into a meeting just the other day to talk about sexual harassment as well. Seems I had been catching some extra long glances in the mirror at myself that I wasn’t too happy about. Things have calmed somewhat since then, but I do have to watch myself.

  10. roamingfirehydrant March 29, 2011 at 8:50 am #

    GMLand, don’t worry until you start smacking yourself on the ass.

  11. GMLand March 29, 2011 at 8:53 am #

    Of course Roamy, we do have rules!

  12. roamingfirehydrant March 29, 2011 at 8:59 am #

    Off to work. Y’all have a great day.

  13. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    Seems I had been catching some extra long glances in the mirror at myself that I wasn’t too happy about.

    More like you were being turned down cold 😉

  14. GMLand March 29, 2011 at 9:04 am #

    nuh uhh, you don’t know…

  15. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 9:33 am #

    Apparently, I struck a nerve…

  16. agiledog March 29, 2011 at 9:37 am #

    I struck a nerve…

    That’s not a nerve!

  17. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 9:46 am #

    That’s not a nerve!

    omg…..

    *runs to wash hands*

    Good morning, AD!!!

  18. agiledog March 29, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    Good morning, Aggie.

    On a different note: Happy “Birthday” to the M1911. 100 years old today.

  19. agiledog March 29, 2011 at 10:13 am #

    And on another note, America has the world’s largest reserves of hydro-carbon energy:

    http://www.energytribune.com/articles.cfm/6933/US-Has-Earths-Largest-Energy-Resources

    (A reader at BisW’s site linked this.)

    Question: Are we saving it until everybody else’s is used up?

  20. clintbird March 29, 2011 at 10:15 am #

    I don’t know why my old company spent so much time on sporadically running us through sexual harrassment training when in fact we all already were proficient at it.

  21. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 10:16 am #

    Good morning, whore-ies.

  22. Jay in Ames March 29, 2011 at 10:16 am #

    I saw that yesterday, AD. Absolutely amazing that we still have a moratorium on Gulf drilling, but we also are not trying to develop other forms of fossil fuels on land. Bakken and ANWR should be developed, and right now.

  23. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 10:22 am #

    This sexual harassment training video makes me laugh every time:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTIue_Wj2lQ

  24. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 10:25 am #

    J’Ames, we have moratorium on Gulf drilling, but Obama gives $8 billion to Brazil to drill.

    Ad, saw that, and I think it’s high time we pushed hard on it.

    Jazz and CB, what is this “sexual harrassment” that you speak of?

  25. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 10:32 am #

    Jazz and CB, what is this “sexual harrassment” that you speak of?

    Watch the video I posted. It’s all explained there in detail. 😀

  26. taxed2death March 29, 2011 at 10:41 am #

    “It smells like vagina in here.”

    Is it still harassment if you say that line and there are only dudes in the room?

  27. clintbird March 29, 2011 at 10:43 am #

    No, TtD, that means you’re teh ghey.

  28. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 10:47 am #

    Sure could go for a powerfuck.

  29. Car in March 29, 2011 at 10:51 am #

    Is that like power walking?

  30. clintbird March 29, 2011 at 10:53 am #

    Power, hell, even a puny one would be okay.

  31. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 10:54 am #

    Watch the video I posted.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

  32. GMLand March 29, 2011 at 10:57 am #

    not sure why my name keeps changing…

  33. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 10:59 am #

    Is that like power walking?

    Not if you use a stick. Then, it’s more like herding goats.

  34. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 10:59 am #

    not sure why my name keeps changing…

    Witness protection?

  35. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 11:00 am #

    I like you better as GMLand, t2d. 😛

  36. GMLand March 29, 2011 at 11:04 am #

    Apparently, my log was out.

    I put the log back in.

  37. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 11:06 am #

    Apparently, my log was out.

    Always XYZ….

  38. GMLand March 29, 2011 at 11:09 am #

    Sure could go for a powerfuck.

    – – – – –

    I remember this one time, at band camp…

  39. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 11:17 am #

    I put the log back in.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2C7mNr5WMjA

  40. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 11:25 am #

    I remember this one time, at band camp…

    So, you play the flute, then??

  41. GMLand March 29, 2011 at 11:29 am #

    Ren and Stempy – quality actors!!

    Aggie – I met a girl there that played the bonaphone, we made some harmonies together!!!!

  42. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 11:30 am #

    If you haven’t seen this, here’s super-duper HOTTIE and Pakistani actress Veena Malik being confronted by a mufti on Pakistani TV for violations of the Islamic code. She fucking takes it to the asshole. She fucks him up one side and down the other. It’s really quite awesome.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMnAmRa4NYw

  43. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 11:32 am #

    I met a girl there that played the bonaphone, we made some harmonies together!!!!

    This would be perfect if her name was Melody.

  44. Jay in Ames March 29, 2011 at 11:34 am #

    Wow, now they are outright lying in WI, in regards to the recall campaign: Powerline: WISCONSIN UPDATE

    I see their strategy now. Use the uninformed as a cudgel against Walker and the Republicans in the recall campaign. Here, sign this form to make sure you are represented. Nah, nothing going on, only our civic duty. Your signature won’t be misused.

    Business as usual for the libs.

  45. Jay in Ames March 29, 2011 at 11:35 am #

    Jazz, I like it when she said the mufti should punish himself because he looked at her without her burkha for a second and third time. And then spanked the interviewer for trying to get her to shut up.

  46. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 11:37 am #

    J’Ames, that clip is full of hot win.

  47. GMLand March 29, 2011 at 11:44 am #

    If you haven’t seen this, here’s super-duper HOTTIE and Pakistani actress Veena Malik being confronted by a mufti on Pakistani TV for violations of the Islamic code. She fucking takes it to the asshole. She fucks him up one side and down the other. It’s really quite awesome.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMnAmRa4NYw

    – – – – –

    that is such a beautiful language…*wipes phlegm off screen*

  48. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 11:46 am #

    NPR does a story on Fannie and Freddie that doesn’t paint them well.

    http://tinyurl.com/4gctrme

    Here’s how [Bill Maloni, Fannie Mae’s chief lobbyist,] jokingly describes Fannie’s approach to critics: “If you punch my brother I’ll burn down your house. I want to kill them, bury them, and piss on their graves.”

  49. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere March 29, 2011 at 12:11 pm #

    Ahhhh yes….bandcamp.

    Imagine my shock dismay delight at learning that geeks could be such freaks.

    And in the same vein (no, not the one you just drained, GMLand), I give you this:
    http://www.punditandpundette.com/2011/03/sexualization-of-childhood-continues.html

  50. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere March 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm #

    “If you punch my brother I’ll burn down your house. I want to kill them, bury them, and piss on their graves.”

    Hell. I used to call that “Wednesday”.

  51. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

    I call it “Sunday,” BiW – it being God’s work and all. Keep holy the Sabbath, motherfucker.

  52. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm #

    Click on the pic for more and for explanations. Some very interesting products there.

  53. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 12:52 pm #

    You should note that the cigarettes advertised above are not recommended for children under six (years of age, I asssume).

  54. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    Hah – check out the Malt-Nutrine and the Pabst Extract at that link. lololol

  55. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm #

    What the hell is Pabst Extract? I thought it’d be diarrhea. I mean, it seems logical.

  56. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 12:58 pm #

    I like the Quaalude guy, too.

  57. Jay in Ames March 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm #

    I don’t even want to know what a Canker Sour is. Those two just don’t mix.

  58. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm #

    hahahahahahahahah!

    “Bartender – I’ll have a Canker Sour tall with two power straws, please (they’re easier on my crusty lips).”

  59. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 1:30 pm #

    Some very interesting products there.

    Dexedrine…. still remember my aunt taking it.

    Ah, the good old days…

  60. Car in March 29, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

    $525 fucking dollars for the car tow and storage up until today.

    FUCKING FUCKERS WHO FUCKING HIT MY HUSBAND.

    totaled our car
    Fucking extra expenses.

    FUCKING

  61. Car in March 29, 2011 at 1:32 pm #

    FUCKERS

  62. Car in March 29, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

    Oh, if the police call to tow your car – you know, because you’re being taken to the ER, they don’t apply AAA even though you have it and even though the towing company is AAA provider.

    The more you know!

  63. Jay in Ames March 29, 2011 at 1:46 pm #

    Car in, you might not have wanted to use AAA that time. You know, some people just prefer to pay out of pocket those bills that are actually free services.

  64. Jay in Ames March 29, 2011 at 1:48 pm #

    An Israeli Sense of Humor at UN set the record straight.

    An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.

    A representative from Israel began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses: When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a bath!’

    Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them!

    The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, ‘What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren’t there then.’

    The Israeli representative smiled and said, ‘And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech..

  65. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX March 29, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

    Good to know that about accidents and AAA –

  66. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

    ROFL, J’Ames!!!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  67. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    The Sexualization of Childhood

    Parenting is tough, but what is so hard about telling your daughter, “No, you are not going to look like a hooker”??

  68. Jay in Ames March 29, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

    Parenting is tough, but what is so hard about telling your daughter, “No, you are not going to look like a hooker”??

    Explaining what a hooker is?

  69. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX March 29, 2011 at 2:22 pm #

    BiW, you still around? What your wife is going through right now is a form of grief/shock. I know it sounds weird, but when she lost her job – whether it was expected or not – it was akin to a death for her. She may not REALIZE that’s what happened, but it’s not that unusual.

    Now that she has another job, things should get better – she’s still going to need a little TLC, though; she’s bound to have some jitters about the stability of the new job until she feels more secure in it.

    You might just ask her if she can help out a little bit more – she may not even realize that it’s bothering you.

    And if she’s anything like me, and has ADD – well, buddy, all bets are off. For folks like that, cleaning is a waste of time in their mind, because things just get messed up again.

    We need handlers….

  70. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX March 29, 2011 at 2:23 pm #

    Thanks for the laugh, J’Ames! I’m definitely passing that one on….

  71. agiledog March 29, 2011 at 2:25 pm #

    Because, Aggie, for so many of them it would be: “No, you are not going to look like a hooker, like your mom

  72. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 2:36 pm #

    You might just ask her if she can help out a little bit more

    It always comes back to the “Lazy Wife Syndrome,” doesn’t it? 😛

  73. GMLand March 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

    Excellent true story J’Ames!! I laughed, I chuckled… heck, I think I may have even guffawed!

  74. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 2:40 pm #

    Aww, shit. I forgot to be wasteful during Earth Hour, I think.

    Happy Anniversary, though, Ags. 🙂

  75. Jazz March 29, 2011 at 2:41 pm #

    I was working with rat wire/hardware cloth last night. Today, my hands look like I went ten rounds with a feral cat.

  76. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm #

    Explaining what a hooker is?

    I took care of that. Tactfully, too 😉

  77. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 2:45 pm #

    Thanks, Jazz *smooches*

    I was working with rat wire/hardware cloth last night.

    *gives Jazz hand lotion*

    *gets funny stares*

    What??

  78. LC Aggie Sith March 29, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

    NEW POAT!!!!!!!

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