Shit that amuses me

28 Feb

Super Veyron. Me want. So do you. Just admit it.

Do these broads look slutty enough?

Makita builds some fine tools.

I have this on my Christmas wish list for those of you who truly care.

She’s hawt, and breastfeeding. What’s not to love?

Michael Vick wasn’t the only one who got a key to Dallas from Dwaine Caraway.

Do you think it’s pedicure time yet?

This is a Herpes virus. Some of you probably already know allllllllll about it.

113 Responses to “Shit that amuses me”

  1. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

    This is the newest P.O.S. post I’ve read all day!!

  2. Dick February 28, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

    This poat deserves an Oscar Meyer Wiener.

  3. Dick February 28, 2011 at 4:27 pm #

    Chief, in case you were really wondering about the poor people today; I was surfing porn.

  4. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 4:27 pm #

    Portions of this poat gave me a chubby!

  5. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 4:28 pm #

    I think we need you 2 to mud wrestle for it.

    I only mud wrestle men, GML…

  6. Dick February 28, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

    I only mud wrestle men

    We’re here for you.

  7. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

    *wipes sweat from brow*

    *briefly passes out*

    *puts on unitard*

    Bring it on!!!!

  8. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 4:39 pm #

    Dick – I’m glad you were doing something useful!

  9. Dick February 28, 2011 at 4:39 pm #

    GML, I think you frightened to poor lass.

  10. Dick February 28, 2011 at 4:41 pm #

    Hey Chief, Stinky’s report date is the fourth. Will the recruiters snag him on the third to make certain he doesn’t jump ship at the last minute?

  11. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 4:42 pm #

    GML, I think you frightened to poor lass.

    It wasn’t me, it was the unitard. I knew it was one size too small…

  12. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 4:44 pm #

    Dick – Not sure. If he’s been attending his DEP meetings, I think they’ll leave him be. What time does he have to muster?

  13. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 4:45 pm #

    Oy…

    I ain’t askeered of you…

  14. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 4:46 pm #

    *assumes Sumo stance*

  15. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm #

    SUMO???

    You have issues… 😉

  16. Dick February 28, 2011 at 4:55 pm #

    If he’s been attending his DEP meetings, I think they’ll leave him be. What time does he have to muster?

    Yep, he’s attended every time they’ve asked. I know nothing of mustard other than it goes on a good hot dog along with some relish.

    He’ll be moving back in with us the week before he leaves. I was more or less just wondering myself.

  17. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 4:55 pm #

    You have issues… 😉

    only with the unitard when I bend over…

  18. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 4:59 pm #

    “Muster” is when he stands on the line, heels together and toes at a 45 degree angle and rogers-up when they call his name.

  19. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 28, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    I think we need you 2 to mud wrestle for it.

    EEEWWWW – do you know how many places that mud can get? And how hard it is to get all of it out? And what it feels like when it starts to dry?

    You wanna see that kinda stuff, go rent a movie – those gals get paid…. 😉

  20. Dick February 28, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    “Muster” is when he stands on the line, heels together and toes at a 45 degree angle and rogers-up when they call his name.

    Ahh… We called that formation or something thereabouts.

  21. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 5:04 pm #

    All Government employees should realize that the process of collective bargaining, as usually understood, cannot be transplanted into the public service. It has its distinct and insurmountable limitations when applied to public personnel management. ~ FDR 1939

  22. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 28, 2011 at 5:05 pm #

    Is that the a**hole who’s taking over for Tom Leppert so that he can run for Kay Bailey’s Senate Seat? Haven’t heard anyone give him a hard time for quitting early….

    Great, just what we need – another John Wiley Price type to turn Dallas into another Detroit/Chicago/D.C. in record time.

    Guess it’s time to purchase a firearm to defend the Tarrant County line –

  23. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 5:09 pm #

    I had a mud bath once, Teresa. It was…interesting….

  24. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 5:10 pm #

    Hey, that reminds me of a joke:

    Do you know why cavemen drug wimmes by their hair after the whacked them on the head with their clubs?

    Well, do ye?

    ’cause when they drug them by their feet, their veejayjays filled up with dirt.

    Bwhaahahahaa!

    Was that over the line?

  25. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 5:11 pm #

    I had a mud bath once

    – – – – –

    hang on, let me get the lights….

    OK, now continue………………slowly.

  26. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 5:12 pm #

    Was that over the line?

    – – – – –

    judges ruling: Dick? What say you?

  27. Dick February 28, 2011 at 5:15 pm #

    Line? We have no stinking lines here!

    Teresa, yep. That’s the very same asshole who gave Michael Vick a key to the city of Dallas.

  28. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 5:15 pm #

    Was that over the line?

    I’m still laughing, so I would guess no.

    OK, now continue………………slowly.

    I…took…a…mudbath…once…it…was…interesting…

  29. Dick February 28, 2011 at 5:16 pm #

    I…took…a…mudbath…once…it…was…interesting…

    Inquiring minds want to know.

  30. Dick February 28, 2011 at 5:20 pm #

    Everybody send Kelly your condolences. I’m making my special chili for dinner tonight and plan to shit my pants for the next 72 hours.

  31. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm #

    Sand in the ve-jay-jay makes you attractive like Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi.

  32. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 5:23 pm #

    dammit Dick, howza bout a little warning before posting shit that will make me spit water on my screen

  33. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 5:23 pm #

    Poor, poor Kelly…

    *throws white roses and Airwick spray*

  34. Dick February 28, 2011 at 5:27 pm #

    I tagged a broad on a beach once. God damn that was irritating. Fucking sand got beyond everywhere.

  35. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 28, 2011 at 5:37 pm #

    F***ing sand got beyond everywhere.

    And if a simple comma is added, the entire meaning of the sentence is subtly changed:

    F***ing, sand got beyond everywhere.

    Either way, I’m thinking some very tender areas felt like they were being scuffed up with sandpaper….

  36. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 5:39 pm #

    I have never understood the attraction for sex on the beach.

    The act or the drink.

  37. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 5:43 pm #

    Not to worry. The innertubies has answers/solutions to all problems including sand:

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080226204929AAwPTPt

  38. Dick February 28, 2011 at 5:45 pm #

    Never had the drink, and I think I’ll pass again.

  39. Dick February 28, 2011 at 5:46 pm #

    CB, you could’ve been helpful if ya would’ve let me in on that link 35 years ago.

  40. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 5:48 pm #

    Kelly just KNEW she shouldn’t have eaten Dick’s chili:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTnVDigzjEI

  41. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 5:49 pm #

    I don’t think the innertubies were around 35 years ago, Dick.

  42. Dick February 28, 2011 at 5:51 pm #

    I don’t think the innertubies were around 35 years ago, Dick.

    Minor issue.

  43. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 5:51 pm #

    Kelly just KNEW she shouldn’t have eaten Dick’s chili:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTnVDigzjEI

    Eye bleach – stat!

  44. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 5:52 pm #

    Of course, prior to this little episode, Kelly had always been very private about such things:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxxsP7VWVN8

  45. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 5:57 pm #

    sorry about the link, yo.

  46. Dick February 28, 2011 at 5:59 pm #

    Your very cool, but way the fuck overpriced farmhouse for the day.
    http://www.greatrealestate.com/ListingDetail.aspx?LID=18310785&MLSID=262&MetroAreaID=224

    These people are on heroin if they think they’re gonna get 209K for one fucking bathroom and no a/c.

  47. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 6:00 pm #

    That’s okay, GML:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVvxv_bMNPE&feature=player_embedded

  48. Dick February 28, 2011 at 6:00 pm #

    Easy to cure, GML. Don’t worry about such frivolities.

  49. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 6:01 pm #

    And judging by the photos of the floors, looks like it could use some work.

  50. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 6:04 pm #

    Drive time interlude:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2L51W45ex8&feature=related

  51. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 6:08 pm #

    Drive time interlude, part deuce:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzDsUBr_w3U&feature=related

  52. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 6:16 pm #

    No A/C in that farmhouse??

    Fuck that on a stick with sauce.

    And looks like it used to have a fireplace, or is that for looks?

  53. roamingfirehydrant February 28, 2011 at 6:20 pm #

    Boycott away, dumbasses.

    http://tinyurl.com/4cwsrzr

  54. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 6:22 pm #

    Iranians are teh silly.

  55. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 6:22 pm #

    Among other things.

  56. Dick February 28, 2011 at 6:23 pm #

    And looks like it used to have a fireplace, or is that for looks?

    It’d be hard telling what’s going on til I got in there to poke around. Does look like an old Ben Franklin stove might’ve been occupying that spot though.

    Who told Iran they had any pull? Fuck them.

  57. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 6:24 pm #

    Howdy Roamy!!!

    *serves Roamy beer braised beef*

    *slips a pillow under feet*

  58. Dick February 28, 2011 at 6:25 pm #

    Roamy, how’s my favortistttt evah NASA scientist doing tonight?

  59. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 6:28 pm #

    Dick – Electric baseboard heat!? Fuck that! It’s like trying to heat a house with toasters. . . hope you have shares in the utility!

  60. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 6:29 pm #

    So, Iran thinks the London 2012 logo is racist, and want to boycott??

    Do they have any idea the effort, money, PCNess, and amount of people involved in making that stupid logo?

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Good fucking luck with that, pisslamic fucktards.

  61. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 28, 2011 at 6:32 pm #

    You’d think San Francisco was already used to the smell of poo….

    http://weaselzippers.us/2011/02/28/low-flow-toilets-causing-a-stink-in-san-francisco/

  62. Dick February 28, 2011 at 6:34 pm #

    Chief, whatever I buy, I’m gonna put forced air gas heat into it. That’s the only way to go these days.

  63. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 28, 2011 at 6:34 pm #

    And Iran’s Olympic team is HOW big again?

    “But I don’t WANT to eat at the steakhouse, I wanna go to Chuck E Cheese’s! I don’t care if you’re paying for it, I want to do what I want to do!”

    Fine, Iran – hold your breath until you turn blue. We’ll wait…

  64. roamingfirehydrant February 28, 2011 at 6:36 pm #

    Dick, still getting over this damn cold/flu/crud. On the plus side, everyone at work left me alone.

    Thanks, Aggie. I’m making sweet ‘n sour chicken for dinner tonight. I thought about asking Mr. RFH to pick up Chinese food, but I like homemade sauce better than the weird red stuff.

  65. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 6:41 pm #

    Dick – You are correct. I’ve got nat. gas heat and laugh at the knuckleheads around me who chose a heatpump over an efficient, and cheap, heating solution.

  66. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 6:44 pm #

    I’m thinking of doing geothermal on the home we retire to.

  67. Dick February 28, 2011 at 6:44 pm #

    We got natural gas here too. The heating bill in the winter at it’s peak this year was $80.

  68. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 6:45 pm #

    Roamy – Glad you are on the mend.

  69. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 6:46 pm #

    I’m thinking of doing geothermal on the home we retire to.

    – – – – – –

    *adds to list, this is going to be one tough client*

  70. GMLand February 28, 2011 at 6:47 pm #

    Hi Roamy – I got you something. Just follow me…

  71. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 6:48 pm #

    *adds to list, this is going to be one tough client*

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

    You have at least five years!!

  72. Dick February 28, 2011 at 6:48 pm #

    Aggie, I’ve seen a couple of houses listed with geothermal heat.
    Here’s one that I’m gonna keep an eye on.

    http://www.greatrealestate.com/ListingDetail.aspx?LID=6019607&MLSID=262&MetroAreaID=224

    You just know some worthless ass, hippy liberals built it.

  73. roamingfirehydrant February 28, 2011 at 6:52 pm #

    Thanks, MCPO.

  74. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 6:55 pm #

    You just know some worthless ass, hippy liberals built it.

    Sure has that vibe…

  75. roamingfirehydrant February 28, 2011 at 6:56 pm #

    Hi Roamy – I got you something. Just follow me…

    **wanders after GMLand, leaving breadcrumb trail…

  76. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 6:56 pm #

    Dick – I don’t care you built it, it has serious potential!

  77. Dick February 28, 2011 at 6:57 pm #

    **wanders after GMLand, leaving breadcrumb trail…

    Roamy, I’ve seen this rodeo. Take a taser.
    Glad you’re getting over the crap.

  78. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 28, 2011 at 7:10 pm #

    Hi Roamy – I got you something. Just follow me…

    DON’T DO IT!!!!!

  79. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 28, 2011 at 7:11 pm #

    Glad you’re getting over the crap.

    Roamy had the Asian “fru”?

  80. Dick February 28, 2011 at 7:16 pm #

    Chief, I can build a house from the ground up and back down, so age and shape really only come down to a checkbook problem other than anything else.

  81. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 7:19 pm #

    Dick – It’s near the pond, in the woods, off the main road and 2000 sqft for only $165K in FUCKING DELAWARE!

  82. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 7:21 pm #

  83. Dick February 28, 2011 at 7:24 pm #

    Chief, that’s nothing. Check out these.

    http://www.greatrealestate.com/ListingDetail.aspx?LID=15656927&MLSID=262&MetroAreaID=224

    http://www.greatrealestate.com/ListingDetail.aspx?LID=16094245&MLSID=262&MetroAreaID=224

    The bottom hasn’t dropped out yet. When it does, I’ll be ready.

  84. roamingfirehydrant February 28, 2011 at 7:30 pm #

    Roamy, I’ve seen this rodeo. Take a taser.

    I think I frightened him off, anyway.

    Kelly has my admiration – she is pretty damn tough if she had this crud longer and with a fever.

  85. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    Dick – the 2nd one is going to auction and I cannot imagine the hoops you would have to jump through to repair/replace the septic.

    Ever heard of the Chesapeake Bay Watershed Authority? Make the EPA and OSHA look like libertarians!

  86. Dick February 28, 2011 at 7:37 pm #

    Five grand will handle the shitter, no sweat.
    They’ve listed it four or five times now as going to auction. It’s not going anywhere.
    The septic system, time it’s been abandoned, and the shitty looking trailer park completely surrounding those five acres are scaring away buyers.
    That just makes me love it more. Think of the fun with my dogs and a .30-.30.

  87. Dick February 28, 2011 at 7:38 pm #

    Roamy, she’s still constantly coughing. It’s been a mess.

  88. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 7:48 pm #

    Kelly has my admiration – she is pretty damn tough if she had this crud longer and with a fever to deal with you and your chili

    Fixeted.

  89. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 7:52 pm #

    That was the first one you posted a link to here, Dick. I still like it, even with the problems.

  90. MCPO Airdale February 28, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

    Aggie – Which one?

  91. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 7:54 pm #

    The one with the fail septic tank.

    Something about the architecture I like 🙂

  92. Dick February 28, 2011 at 8:01 pm #

    The square box on five acres or the geodesic dome job?

  93. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 28, 2011 at 8:02 pm #

    Man, no love for my comment at 7:11 –

    *wanders over to other blogs, muttering under her breath about ungrateful cretins*

  94. Dick February 28, 2011 at 8:06 pm #

    My favorite is this one.

    http://www.greatrealestate.com/ListingDetail.aspx?LID=15656927&MLSID=262&MetroAreaID=224

    It’s got plenty of woods, 4 1/2 acres, has a graveyard on one side and a shitload of half million dollar homes on the other side.
    The neighborhood’s solid and it’s about twenty minutes to the beach.
    Plus, Kelly has a hankering for an old farmhouse and I totally suck at saying no.

  95. Dick February 28, 2011 at 8:07 pm #

    Teresa, come here and give me a hug.

  96. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 28, 2011 at 8:12 pm #

    Teresa, come here and give me a hug.

    Is that a gun in your pocket….

  97. Dick February 28, 2011 at 8:22 pm #

    Nope. Don’t carry one cause I ain’t a scaredy-cat.

  98. clintbird February 28, 2011 at 8:25 pm #

    Chicago Code comes on Fox TV network in about 36 minutes. If you’re not already watching it, you should be. Do you hear me, Justified fans?

  99. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 8:39 pm #

    The square box, Dick.

    But the farmhouse has charm.

  100. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 8:40 pm #

    *reads Teresa’s comment at 7:11PM*

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

  101. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 28, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

    So I was sitting there in Court today wondering what the catch is, as opposing counsel gave an opening statement that was chock full of assertions that I have documentary evidence in the form of emails that contradicts most of what he said.

    I’ve never been so floored in my life. I know that he was in a mood to fight about some of the evidence, but geebus.

  102. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 8:59 pm #

    What bug crawled up his ass, BisW???

  103. leoncaruthers February 28, 2011 at 9:05 pm #

    Jury trial?

  104. Dick February 28, 2011 at 9:19 pm #

    Evidence sucks, especially when it’s lined up against you.

  105. Dick February 28, 2011 at 9:32 pm #

    This shithole needs music.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNnAvTTaJjM

  106. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 28, 2011 at 9:32 pm #

    No, bench trial.

    I think it comes down to he didn’t read the emails between his client and mine.

    Example: OC: You raise issue x in your pleadings, but you never brought your concerns to my client in writing before now, did you?

    Client: That isn’t true. I sent several emails to your client about it.

    And then I had my client read them from the evidence provided to them in the Joint Statement of Evidence. He had to have read it…he contested it as part of the Joint Statement.

  107. Dick February 28, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

    Is there legal terminology for “oops”?

  108. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 9:37 pm #

    So why is he being obtuse about it, BisW?

    *grooves to Talking Heads*

  109. Dick February 28, 2011 at 9:52 pm #

    Gawdddd… It’s 8:51 my time and I’m calling it a night.

    *uses walker to go to bedroom*

  110. LC Aggie Sith February 28, 2011 at 9:56 pm #

    G’night, Dick.

  111. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 28, 2011 at 11:17 pm #

    *reads Teresa’s comment at 7:11PM*
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    🙂
    Thanks!

  112. Zelda March 1, 2011 at 1:46 am #

    Hi Dick! Finally made it. I hate you for the toes.

  113. ArmedGeek March 1, 2011 at 4:25 am #

    This place needs a night shift.

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