FIVE RULES FOR A HAPPY LIFE

16 Feb

1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn’t lie to you.

4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

124 Responses to “FIVE RULES FOR A HAPPY LIFE”

  1. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 12:46 pm #

    I do not know what this means.

  2. clintbird February 16, 2011 at 12:50 pm #

    Me neither.

    : > (

  3. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

    This is my bible….

  4. Jazz February 16, 2011 at 1:44 pm #

    My longest comment ever. It should be a post of its own.

    These two churches face each other across a busy street.

  5. Jazz February 16, 2011 at 1:50 pm #

    Awww, very sad!

    http://tinyurl.com/ydr4wdq

  6. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 1:58 pm #

    Jazz, that has to be the funniest repartee I’ve seen 😀

  7. Car in February 16, 2011 at 2:11 pm #

    I’m so sad it didn’t really happen.

    *faith in humanity is lost

  8. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 2:13 pm #

    Eh, don’t worry, Carin. For every hoax like this one, there’s bound to be a real one lurking somewhere 😉

  9. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 2:48 pm #

    If rocks have souls, I’m betting that there is one in Mecca that is pretty damn scary.

  10. beasn February 16, 2011 at 2:53 pm #

    I’m with Jazz on the Lara Logan thing. Seriously. I would never volunteer for that gig and if they made me, they would be signing some serious danger pay or something up front.
    I was following ‘sandmonkey’ some years back and he blogged about the distress the women go through with the f*cking animals groping them. Even in burkhas.
    And don’t forget how foreign women are warned to not go out without a male guide.
    Sheesh, I’d be suing.

  11. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 2:57 pm #

    From my blog today:

    What bothers me is the how and the why. She went in, uncovered, and without security, only her crew. And the why? Simple: she is a woman, uncovered, showing herself in a vast anonymous throng that believes women for the most part are simply property. I’m all for equality of opportunity, but I know that doesn’t apply in most of the Middle East. Why CBS and Ms. Logan thought it did, I have no idea.

  12. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 2:59 pm #

    If rocks have souls, I’m betting that there is one in Mecca that is pretty damn scary.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    *recalls what it looks like*

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

  13. beasn February 16, 2011 at 3:42 pm #

    Can’t tell if it looks like a pooper or the despised lady bits.

    http://tinyurl.com/48kojol

  14. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 3:47 pm #

    My opinion: the latter, Beasn.

  15. clintbird February 16, 2011 at 3:56 pm #

    Might be the only veejayjay like thingee most of those young suicide bombers ever see.

  16. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 3:59 pm #

    There is much truth in that, CB. Much truth 😉

  17. Dick February 16, 2011 at 5:03 pm #

    Fuck me. I destroyed another pair of jeans today.

  18. clintbird February 16, 2011 at 5:28 pm #

    Dick, it would seem to me your problem may be the fact that you work in pants. Just sayin’ …

  19. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 5:41 pm #

    They are cheap at Wally World.

  20. Dick February 16, 2011 at 5:54 pm #

    Yep, the lime in the mix gets in there and eats the fabric.

    Patty Ann, I apologize for being a total money whore and skipping out on our cup of coffee.

  21. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 6:09 pm #

    “Fuck me. I destroyed another pair of jeans today.”

    That wouldn’t have happened around me! Waitaminute…

    Dick, we’ll meet up eventually. Sorry, I was in the shower when you called.

  22. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 6:16 pm #

    John was so pissed off this morning! He had a dr.’s appointment for 8:20 this morning ’cause he needs his blood test for his cholesterol medication. He gets there at about 8:10 and immediately is placed in an examining room. He calls me at 9:20 and says if someone doesn’t walk in that room by 9:30, he’s leaving. He left.

  23. Dick February 16, 2011 at 6:22 pm #

    Sounds like the clinic was running right but the doc forgot to show up.
    Kel and I had that happen with her Orthopedic doc a few times when he was coming off a hospital shift to work his practice. He got stuck in emergency surgery and didn’t have much control of the time.

  24. Dick February 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

    Tomorrow I gotta be in Rockwall first thing to re-wrap a chimney’s leaking flashing, then to Garland to pick up some custom sheetmetal work, and finally to Arlington to install the sheetmetal.
    I smell sore & tired coming.

  25. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

    Agreed, Dick. Sometimes though it helps to hire professionals who know how to communicate with the patients.

  26. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 6:32 pm #

    Had that happen once with the boys when one of them was sick.

    We went first thing in the evening because Jake was sick. Examination room at 7:00 and an hour and a half later, I went out and asked a clearly startled nurse if we were going to get any assistance.

  27. Dick February 16, 2011 at 6:33 pm #

    PA, with Kel’s case, the receptionist and nurses had as much knowledge as we did; none. But they should have at least walked into John’s room and told him.
    Fail.

  28. Dick February 16, 2011 at 6:39 pm #

    Here, a little South Pacific just because I’m in the mood.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oY2Y6pxu-yM

  29. beasn February 16, 2011 at 8:29 pm #

    I’ve pulled the trigger and made an appointment to get Lincoln’s stone removed for next week. I hope he stays strong until then.

  30. Dick February 16, 2011 at 8:36 pm #

    What’s Lincoln’s stone? I missed something.

  31. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

    Good luck with Lincoln, Beasn.

    Speaking of Lincoln, have you seen that that dork Matthew McConaughey is playing the lead in “The Lincoln Lawyer”. I enjoyed that book but I hate MM.

  32. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 8:52 pm #

    Lincoln is Beasn’s pig, Dick.

    Sorry, had a ton of shit to do this afternoon. Thank goodness I can get email through my phone 😀

  33. beasn February 16, 2011 at 9:20 pm #

    Yep, Lincoln is a pig. A two thousand dollar pig. A bit over a year ago, he had a mastectomy, not he has a stone.
    Grrr…the husband thinks I should just let him go the way of nature and then ‘help him over’ when he gets bad.

    I can’t not give him a chance when George was older and much sicker when his was removed.

    Recovering critter is like having a newborn.

  34. beasn February 16, 2011 at 9:21 pm #

    not = now

  35. Dick February 16, 2011 at 9:22 pm #

    Okay, that kinda makes sense. What stone?

  36. beasn February 16, 2011 at 9:22 pm #

    I have a feeling that I won’t get anymore pets after this. High maintenance and then they break your heart.

  37. Dick February 16, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    Woops! Should’ve waited. Thanks. Now I understand.

  38. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    I can sympathize, Beasn. It has to be tough to decide. Poor Lincoln.

  39. beasn February 16, 2011 at 9:24 pm #

    Bladder stone. It’s too big for him to pass.

    And on top of this, the husband is stressing like freak. It’s release and deadline time.

    The recovering pig will be easier to handle.

  40. Dick February 16, 2011 at 9:24 pm #

    Beasn, if it makes ya feel like somebody understands and is in the same boat, Kelly and I have two cats (Fred and Peaches) who are both past 16 and kinda hangin’ on.

  41. Dick February 16, 2011 at 9:26 pm #

    Peaches has about a grand in her and Fred closing in on $1500.

    Aggie, read the back cover of my book and you’ll find out about Maddie.

  42. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 9:26 pm #

    Pets are family, Beasn.

    Unless they are snakes. Those are very low maintenance, and they have never broken my heart.

  43. beasn February 16, 2011 at 9:30 pm #

    Other pet parents do understand. The husband came from a long line of farmers. German. Practical to the core. Animals are to be eaten.

    He sees pets as balls and chains and dollar signs, unless it’s a dog but he isn’t ready for a dog yet. It is also tough working full time and not having more time to give them. (he won’t ask and I won’t tell him the cost of any surgery.)

  44. beasn February 16, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

    yeah, Mr. Beasn understands I see them as my fur children and appreciates the joy they bring me. They are part of the family. He will lend me his shoulder when the time comes but if he had his druthers…..

  45. agile_dog February 16, 2011 at 9:36 pm #

    I’m trying to figure out if any of the first 4 rules are as important as the fifth one. Hmmmmmm….

    And, cupcake, good luck with Lincoln. We put our two oldest dogs down within the last 6 months – it still hurts daily.

  46. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 9:36 pm #

    Long life for a cat, Dick. Best love them and be with them until the time comes.

    My dogs adore me, and sometimes that is so heartbreaking, knowing they will pass on. But until then, I will love and adore them just as much.

  47. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 9:41 pm #

    AD!!!

    Nice to see you here 🙂

  48. beasn February 16, 2011 at 9:44 pm #

    YAY! Agile dog! Good to see you here at the leper colony of rule breakers.

    I’m very sorry to hear you had to put your pups down. 😦
    How old were they?

  49. Dick February 16, 2011 at 9:45 pm #

    AD, allow me to give you a big ol’ smooch.
    Glad you’re here.

  50. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 9:59 pm #

    Aggie, if you’re still here, can you come to FB? I want to ask you to do something for me please.

  51. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

    So my unemployed wife made dinner.

    Sorta. I had to cook the salmon she bought, and the grill was outta gas, but I got it all to come out ok, along with her pasta.

  52. beasn February 16, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

    Time to call it a night. Didn’t sleep a wink last night stressing about being the only cake decorator and worried about pig boy and husband.

    You all have a good night.

  53. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

    Biw, can you come to FB?

  54. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 10:06 pm #

    I’m at FB, PattyAnn 🙂

  55. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 10:08 pm #

    On FB.

  56. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:08 pm #

    Aggie, I’m there but don’t see you on chat?

  57. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    I sent you a message.

  58. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    I’m signed in to chat and have sent you a message

  59. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:12 pm #

    Biw, I don’t see you on chat either? WTH?

  60. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 10:12 pm #

    I blame Dick. I think he broke FB, because I am on.

  61. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:13 pm #

    I’m waiting on an answer from Aggs. This will be interesting.

  62. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 10:15 pm #

    Answered your message. Stupid FB never showed the “new” stuff.

  63. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:16 pm #

    Biw, I don’t think Aggie can do what I need. Will you please go back to FB, I’ll send you a message there.

  64. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 10:17 pm #

    I never left, PA.

  65. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 10:19 pm #

    I’m not sure that interesting is the word I’d use.

  66. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:21 pm #

    FB’s all screwed up.
    I’ll send you email.

  67. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

    BiW, I think we got kicked out at H2.

  68. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

    I’m a loser, PattyAnn. Sorry I couldn’t help 😦

  69. Dick February 16, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

    Sleep good, Beasn. I’m done myself. G’night reprobates.

  70. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:26 pm #

    I’m sorry, BiW, I don’t think you did anything to deserve that.

  71. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 10:36 pm #

    Both you and BisW were removed as admins over at H2??

  72. Dick February 16, 2011 at 10:43 pm #

    Wiser is purging anyone he think may betray him. Ought to tell you everything you need to know about that boy.

  73. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    Yep, Aggie, for security, mostly.
    I’m surprised you don’t know since they had a group discussion about it and I thought you were a Hostage /sarc

  74. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 10:45 pm #

    Well, if Andy knew, he’s playing dumb.

  75. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:46 pm #

    Aggie, thanks for trying to help me earlier.

  76. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 10:53 pm #

    Hi Hostages! I’ve missed you! Well, most of you.

  77. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 16, 2011 at 11:11 pm #

    Can I come play over here from time to time? I didn’t know about Wiser doing that to BiW, either. Of course, I’m not one of the “originals”. Who else lost admin rights?

    Hi Dick, hi PattyAnn! I was wondering if you guys were hanging out somewhere new….

  78. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 11:27 pm #

    PattyAnn, there’s a fine line between security and paranoia.

    Surely Wiser knows no one would wreak havoc on the site?

  79. pajama momma February 16, 2011 at 11:36 pm #

    Beasn, I’m really sorry about all the stuff you’re going through with your babies.

  80. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 11:38 pm #

    You are welcome here, TiFW.

  81. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 11:39 pm #

    Howdy, Teresa!!

  82. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 16, 2011 at 11:45 pm #

    Howdy, PA and Aggie! Is Roamy hanging out here now? Is everything OK with her? I sent her an e-mail this morning, but haven’t heard from her. I’m hoping her heart issues aren’t getting too bad for her – it’s quite troubling.

  83. Michael February 16, 2011 at 11:47 pm #

    You need more lawyers here.

  84. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 11:48 pm #

    We haven’t heard from her either, Teresa. She was scheduled for an appointment on the 15th for a second opinion. I called and left her a message, and do hope she is doing fine.

  85. PattyAnn February 16, 2011 at 11:50 pm #

    We’re trying to find out about Roamy, TiFW. No one knows yet.

  86. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX February 16, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

    Well, I’m praying for her – hope she didn’t get bad news. She’s such a sweetheart.

  87. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 16, 2011 at 11:55 pm #

    You need more lawyers here.

    You sure you wanna be associated with us? There’s still time to delete your comment, and I can swear everyone to secrecy about you being here. 😉

  88. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 11:56 pm #

    Ha! Two lawyers?

    WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

  89. Michael February 16, 2011 at 11:57 pm #

    You sure you wanna be associated with us? There’s still time to delete your comment, and I can swear everyone to secrecy about you being here.

    Nah.

    I’m retired now. I don’t have to worry about my reputation.

  90. pajama momma February 16, 2011 at 11:57 pm #

    Michael, you’re more like me than you’ll admit.

  91. LC Aggie Sith February 16, 2011 at 11:59 pm #

    I don’t have to worry about my reputation.

    Hm….duuuurty 😉

  92. Michael February 16, 2011 at 11:59 pm #

    Michael, you’re more like me than you’ll admit.

    No, ma’am, I may have some moobs but I do not think we are comparable.

  93. roamingfirehydrant February 17, 2011 at 12:00 am #

    Hi, folks. Sorry I had you all worried. I also set off a small nuke over at H2.

  94. LC Aggie Sith February 17, 2011 at 12:01 am #

    ROAMY!!!!!!

    Are you doing ok?

  95. LC Aggie Sith February 17, 2011 at 12:05 am #

    Nuke??

    That was a fucking SUPERNOVA!!!

  96. pajama momma February 17, 2011 at 12:07 am #

    No, ma’am, I may have some moobs but I do not think we are comparable.

    yes huh

  97. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 17, 2011 at 12:07 am #

    Romy! You’re alive!

  98. roamingfirehydrant February 17, 2011 at 12:08 am #

    I’m not okay, but I’m not dead yet, Aggie.

  99. pajama momma February 17, 2011 at 12:09 am #

    I just meant you don’t like drama, toopidhead

  100. roamingfirehydrant February 17, 2011 at 12:10 am #

    (((GROUP HUG)))

  101. clintbird February 17, 2011 at 12:12 am #

    Roamy posted an update at H2.

  102. clintbird February 17, 2011 at 12:14 am #

    I see my timing was impeccable.

  103. LC Aggie Sith February 17, 2011 at 12:15 am #

    Clint, you mean the supernova?

    I want to comment, but can’t word it correctly.

  104. clintbird February 17, 2011 at 12:19 am #

    I was talking about letting everyone know roamy had updated her health issue at H2.

  105. roamingfirehydrant February 17, 2011 at 12:20 am #

    I didn’t turn on my cell phone or answer the house phone all day. Too afraid of losing it and scaring the crap out of the person on the other end of the line.

    I also don’t understand how I can still be so damn tired when I haven’t done anything.

  106. LC Aggie Sith February 17, 2011 at 12:24 am #

    Roamy, I do hope someone has an answer to your illness. I pray you find it soon.

    That supernova was awesome, by the way. I think it is rankling quite a few people.

  107. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 17, 2011 at 12:25 am #

    To the long-standing members of the family, I apologize.

    This lead to exactly what I didn’t want to happen.

    I’m sorry.

  108. PattyAnn February 17, 2011 at 12:25 am #

    Roamy, I’m just glad you’re kinda okay. And not in the Hospital.

  109. LC Aggie Sith February 17, 2011 at 12:26 am #

    Time for bed. G’night, y’all.

    Roamy, you have my cell number now, if you want to yell at someone. Only do it in the AM 😉

  110. PattyAnn February 17, 2011 at 12:27 am #

    Hell, it was all part of Roamy’s evil plan to get all of our cell numbers. I see it clearly now.

  111. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere February 17, 2011 at 12:29 am #

    You haven’t been drunk dialed until Romy has drunk dialed you. 😉

  112. PattyAnn February 17, 2011 at 12:29 am #

    BiW, you have nothing to apologize for to me. I thank you for trying to set up a place for the other 20%.

  113. roamingfirehydrant February 17, 2011 at 12:30 am #

    Aggie, just in the mail today, I got a prayer card for St. Jude, patron saint of hopeless causes. I also found a little angel that my brother’s widow made out of a heavy duty paper clip for me. The clip holds a piece of paper with Psalm 91:11 “For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.”

    I needed those today.

  114. Sean M. February 17, 2011 at 12:47 am #

    Not at all, clint. Not at all.

  115. roamingfirehydrant February 17, 2011 at 12:48 am #

    Clintbird, heh.

    I was thinking this one.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNf5Yd1huUo#t=0m42s

  116. clintbird February 17, 2011 at 12:55 am #

    Roamy, have you contacted any other doctors yet?

  117. roamingfirehydrant February 17, 2011 at 12:57 am #

    Good night, my friends. I am truly very sorry for having worried you, and I’m blessed to have such good people care about me.

  118. clintbird February 17, 2011 at 12:58 am #

    I hope you get some good rest tonight, roamy.

  119. roamingfirehydrant February 17, 2011 at 1:02 am #

    Clintbird, no, not yet. I don’t know if I have to get a referral or if I would be paying out of pocket.

  120. roamingfirehydrant February 17, 2011 at 1:02 am #

    Thank you.

  121. Sean M. February 17, 2011 at 1:11 am #

    Get better soon, Roamy.

  122. roamingfirehydrant February 17, 2011 at 8:10 am #

    Thanks, Sean.

    New poat.

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